Alzheimer's - Something to Hate!

Did I mention that I HATE Alzheimer's? 
I hate and miss the loss of relationship! I rail against the long slow good-bye! I wish for heaven and Jesus to come back soon. And more.........
Today is my birthday. On my birthday for all these years since I left home the phone would ring - usually first thing in the AM. It would be my parents (until last year when my dad was newly gone to heaven) and a chorus of "Happy Birthday" would ensue! It wasn't good music by most standards but by the standard that matters to me, it was music to my ears!
It always ended, Happy Birthday, Ann Austin, happy birthday to you! Last night - a day early - that's not how it ended for the first time, the new normal (until there is no call at all).
Instead, when it came to my name, there was dead silence! My mother didn't know who was on the other end of the phone. She knew when my sister dialed the phone in that split second, but she didn't know just a few short seconds later. The fog had descended again!
The fog of Alzheimer's is there more often than not! It's a wild and crazy world for my precious mother! It's a very sad, random world for those who love her!
Life's transitions - some are good; some are painful! NOT to sermonize, but I'm having to preach the Gospel to myself today, I have to remind myself, Self, God is good all the time! All the time God is good! Even on days like today and nights like last night!
I still hate Alzheimer's - just for the record!

The Road Less Traveled - Care-Giving

By "default" and choice she and he became care-givers 3 years ago (almost!). They took a little old man and a little old lady (who they loved very much) into their home. The little old couple were tenaciously clinging to their mountain home - tip-top, 3-story, "isolated" location up and down a winding road and 10+ miles to shopping, church, etc. That wasn't a good thing! It was dangerous in so many ways! It was way past time for a new season in life!

The little old man has gone to heaven, but the lady lives on in her own reality most of the time. She has pretty severe Alzheimer's! She's not easy to care for. She gives non-compliant new meaning. She can't remember that her life partner with whom she shared a rare and beautiful love for over 70 years is gone - at least not for more than a few minutes. Sometimes she can't even remember how to sit in a chair. So, care-giving is pretty intense!

Recently I had a front row seat on this action. I was amazed! NOT at how difficult this care-giving reality is tho' it's all that and a bag of chips! NOT at the unrelenting 24/7 immersion in care-giving even with respite support from aides and at least one sibling one day a week and monitors and friends! NO! What amazed me from the top of my head to the soles of my feet was the unconditional love poured out in that home hour after hour, the patience, the joy in the serving! It is a beautiful thing!

Care-givers are a special "breed"! It's usually a life that happens! It is intense! It is often lonely! It is heart and hand exhausting! It is taking the road less traveled! It is walking the servant path!

My front row seat overwhelmed me as I watched love in action - cleaning body fluids, patiently waiting and helping and doing. selflessly being a servant for a day and then getting up tomorrow to do it all over again and more beside - a list too long to name!

She said to me recently, Any of us would have done this just the same. I had to honestly say, NOT ME! I think I would have crashed and burned long before now! I can hardly wrap my mind around all the sacrifices - trust me - they are HUGE!

This is uncommon service with uncommon love and commitment down a path less traveled all to the glory of God and for love of a mother (and father)! I pray and marvel and help in such small ways but I'm not in the daily trench finding strength for each moment! I'm left whispering, To God be the glory and a huge thank you! He and she are my hero servants! Thank you for showing me Jesus as you walk this less traveled path!

What's in Your Heart?

My sweet mother has Alzheimer's.  She often loses touch with the real world. Just last week she woke up and as my sister was getting her up, she sat on the side of the bed and said, "Now give me a report on your daddy." My sister took a deep breath and said, "Mama, Daddy went to heaven on August 5th." My sister says Mother looked at her like she'd been punched in the stomach and responded, "What? Why didn't anyone tell me? I thought he is in the hospital and that you were going to give me an update."

Ruth said, "Mama, the flag that was on his casket is on your mantle." "O, yes," Mother said, "I remember seeing that."

I can hardly imagine the horror of reliving over and over the reality that someone you were married to for over 68 years and in love with for 70 years was gone!  They had an amazing love and next to Jesus my daddy was her world!

Fast forward - same day later. My sister's husband is a pastor and they have a Bible study in their home on Wednesday night. My mother likes to sit in. My brother-in-law told everyone to look up a Scripture verse and Mother immediately quoted the verse before anyone could find it. This happened multiple times. Everyone was amazed.

What a wonder that she who can't process that her beloved Buddy has gone to heaven before her but has God's Word so deeply embedded in her heart that it just flows out!
What's the most deeply imbedded thing in your heart? or mine? It is certainly something to think about!

I Saw Love!

I saw love at the movie theater

I went to the movies a couple of weeks ago to see “Lincoln…”

But instead, I saw Love. ….               (Posted on December 11, 2012 by katiewetherbee)

My husband was treating me to a movie and burger date for my birthday. For me, going to the movies is a huge treat. I love the atmosphere…the anticipation when purchasing tickets, the hushed feel of a darkened theatre…the fun of the previews and the uninterrupted enjoyment of a story on film.

When we arrived, Tom went to get the tickets and I ducked into the ladies room. We were running a bit late, and so I hurried in, pleased that it wasn’t crowded. In fact, only one other person was there…an older lady wearing a red winter cap on her grey curls. She smiled at me as I ducked into the stall. When I emerged, she was still there, pacing back and forth, humming to herself. As I made my way toward the sink, she turned and followed me.
And then she spoke.

“I can’t find my way out of here,” she said quietly.

“Well,” I replied, “I know the way out. We’ll go together as soon as I wash my hands.”

She smiled and waited for me. We walked out together, and she murmured, ” You seem like a kind person. Don’t ever let this happen to your brain.”

“Is someone here with you?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “My…” her voice trailed off when she saw him, her delight shining in her smile. “There he is!” She pointed to a gentleman wearing a plaid flannel shirt.

Her husband’s worried look was replaced with relief when he saw her.

“Yes. Here I am,” he said, “Let’s go.” He nodded and smiled in my direction and gently took her hand.

I found Tom and we made our way into the theater and found a seat. Settling next to us were my ladies room friend and her husband.

Soon, the lights dimmed and “Lincoln” began. We were transported to the Civil War, mesmerized by the scenic design, costumes and acting.

About halfway through the movie, the lady shifted in her seat, becoming disoriented and agitated. Her husband immediately stood, and put his arm around her, whispering comfort to her as they walked out of the theater.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… (from 1 Corinthians 13, NRSV)

 

I saw love at the movie theater. … and I saw it in action. Clad in a flannel shirt, holding a wrinkled, familiar hand, whispering comfort.

This blog post is by my dear friend Katie Weatherbee. I had no warning it was going to be a sweet sucker-punch but it was!

You see, Katie could be describing my own dear parents: Ed (Buddy) and Austin Robeson. They loved with just such a love for all the world to see! My mother like the lady in the restroom is mostly confused and fragile mentally – much more often than not! She also has a hard time sitting still! And, I must say, my daddy would have done just what the man Katie wrote about did. He would gently get up, hold her hand even as stooped as he was from severe Parkinson’s and lead her from the theater.

Then there is the part about the flannel plaid shirt. My daddy always wore a plaid flannel shirt in the later years.

They loved each other with a holy love! I know the couple in Katie’s story isn’t my sweet Mother and Daddy because my daddy slipped away to heaven a few months ago and my mother is still confused about “why he doesn’t come around anymore.” She just can’t take in that he’s gone ahead without her. She just told me this afternoon that she expects to see him standing with Jesus when she comes to heaven’s gate. She said, “I’m gonna smile, wave and start running to Buddy and Jesus!” She will too! ‘Cause then it won’t matter anymore that her knees have nothing but bone rubbing on bone or that she totters! Then it won’t matter any longer that she loses her balance and doesn’t have the strength to do what her mind wants her dear old body to do. What will matter is that Jesus is there and Buddy too! It’s a wonderful thing to find love, Katie, whether it’s in life or in a theater! Thanks for sharing your story so I could share mine!

       --used by permission: http://katiewetherbee.wordpress.com/2012/12/11/i-saw-love-at-the-movie-theater/

 

"Fair-weather" Heart for Marriage?

Last week TV evangelist Pat Robertson said that he could understand why a man or woman would divorce his or her marriage partner after that partner develops Azheimer's disease. I don't know what part of "... in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live" he doesn't understand!
My own mother is sinking deeper and deeper into a world beyond her mind. She is confused. She is angry sometimes. She is sad. My dad is her anchor - he and Jesus! When she dreams scary dreams my dad comforts her in the night. She sits and holds his hand. He loves her beyond words and thought - much like in this YouTube story of the McQuilken's! It would never cross my dad's mind to do anything as long as he has life BUT be there for and with my mother. In fact his love for her sometimes gets in front of logic and wisdom simply because his heart of love for her is so totally enduring!
Check out this link and be prepared to cry and also be prepared to have your heart impacted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pX1phIqug
Marriage is neither for the faint of heart or the fair-weather of heart! Marriage is forever TILL DEATH DO US PART!
I wonder what part of "till death do us part" Pat Robertson has forgotten or doesn't understand.
Granted this is a terrible, heart-wrenching disease! But life-long, sacred commitments are forever! God never promises to take away the pain or the heart-wrenching difficult or the desperate loss. What He does promise is His presence and that, my friend, MUST be enough! And it is - even in the deepest, darkest night of pain and loss!
Pat Robertson said, "I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her." Stunning!
The other Robertson as in Robertson McQuilkin made a vastly different choice and for all the right reasons. His reward is in heaven! Robertson McQuilkin has no "fair-weather" heart for his Muriel!